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Making a naturist garden Nature on your doorstep It's possible to find a spot in almost any garden where you can go nude. But quite apart from the legal problems, neighbours probably won't want to see you walking around naked. Out of respect for them, I've always managed to screen my garden. This page shows how to pick and plant a tree to do that. I think there's one important point to remember about being naked in your own garden, which is that it is your own space. So if anyone has to climb a ladder or peer over a high wall to see into your garden, then I would argue that they're invading my privacy if they're offended by what they see. After all, you're not allowed to put a ladder up against someone's bathroom window, climb up and complain they're exhibiting themselves to you. So all I do is make sure I can't be seen from anyone happening to look out of their window or gazing across a fence. This section shows in 12 steps how to pick and plant a semi-mature tree to provide screening. It's divided into two pages for ease of download.
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 Room with a view: my garden used to be obscured by dense ivy growing several feet above the top of the wall, but it had to come down before the ancient brick wall collapsed. It took me a while to work out the best way to screen my garden again |
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1. Pick your plant On one side of my garden there's a dense hedge of cupressus leylandii conifers (they're behind me in the picture on the right). These are the least popular choice of hedging plant on the planet because neighbours invariably complain about the shade and the dominating bulk. I wouldn't plant them myself either, but they were there when I moved in and I have to say they've been a brilliant screen. All the following plants are naturists' friends:
The ostrich rule It's easy to find out if you can be seen: like an ostrich, if you can't see them, they can't see you. More often than not you'll need ground-level screening, rather than the first-floor screening I need with my tree. Placed in the right corner of a garden you can often create a private area even if you are surrounded by other houses. In my first garden, there wasn't room for a hedge but a carefully placed washing line with a sheet on it managed to create a private area at the back, just big enough for two to sunbathe freely. The garden was surrounded by houses on all sides.
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 Ace choice: an acer (or maple) has a dense enough canopy. This species is also quite short and has a clear trunk, so it doesn't add too much shade to the garden. On the other side of my garden, behind me in this shot, are some mature conifers, the Berlin wall of British gardening |
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2. Prepare the ground You can't make the hole too big when you're transplanting a tree or shrub transplated from a container. You don't just make the hole as big as the pot, you have to loosen up the soil at least five inches around the rootball. As always, keep the soil for backfilling the hole later. I had to use a trowel to dig my hole because the garden had been used as a graveyard for ancient bricks when they rebuilt my house. It was slow work, but I managed to remove loads of bricks, stones and concrete from a large area thanks to some patient excavation. It's an awful lot easier to enjoy it when you're naked in the sunshine.
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 Dig deep: not an easy task with a trowel |
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3. Plenty of depth It's particularly important to dig over the base of the hole, at least 12 inches deep or more, in order to allow drainage and a good growing medium for the tree's roots. Unfortunately, that was exactly the depth at which most of the rubble had been buried in my garden so I had to painstakingly scratch away at the earth to excavate huge lumps of building material. It wasn't exactly an appealing place to sit and work as a naturist, so I did most of my spadework from the edge at the top, only getting in to the hole to measure my progress. If you're planting a tree with bare roots (mine came in a container with soil) you can hammer a stake into the ground at this point to support the plant.
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 Dig deeper: you have to go down at least a foot below the depth of the tree's rootball |
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4. Add the compost You need to dig a good growing medium into the base soil of the hole. The one I was recommended is called tree planting and mulching compost, or TPMC if you do this sort of thing regularly (I don't). This will help encourage the tree's roots to grow down and anchor the plant in the earth. You should make sure the mixture of soil and compost is well trodden down, to give the tree a firm enough base to sit on.
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 You need to add tree planting and mulching compost (TPMC) |
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5. Transplanting the tree This is the tense bit. You start by lying the tree on its side, taking very great care not to snap any branches. Any plant old enough to give reasonable cover will come in a large container, so make sure you get it as near to the hole as possible before starting this final manoeuvre.
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 A tricky moment: take great care not to snap any branches when you lie the tree down |
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6. A nudist tree And this is what a nude tree looks like... Once the container is on its side, the rootball should slide neatly out of it. But be very careful not to go too quickly if it seems jammed; you don't want to break any roots if you can avoid it. If the rootball gets stuck, simply run the blade of your spade around the inside wall of the container to free it and try again. Once the tree's removed, you can see how the roots grow around the edge of the container, looking for more soil to grow into. These will quickly find their way into the growing medium if you've dug enough space around the rootball. Click here to go to part two - planting the tree
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Click here to go to part two - planting the tree |
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